The Impact and Treatment of Social Isolation Schema

CBT and Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is among the leading Evidenced Based Practices utilized in the field of Mental Health today, particularly for the treatment of depression and anxiety. The premise of CBT is that because thoughts, behaviors, and feelings cyclically react with one another, in order to change a person’s behaviors or feelings one must first address harmful thoughts and beliefs that they hold. CBT aims to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs and helps individuals to change their minds about things that result in them feeling better about their life or themselves.

Schema Therapy and Early Maladaptive Schemas

Schema Therapy, the type of therapy that I practice, acknowledges the truth that our core beliefs influence how we think and feel and act and seeks to further understand the origin and impact of broader beliefs that people have come to hold. Schema Therapy specifically looks for Early Maladaptive Schemas (EMS), which are simply ways of thinking and believing that influence how we perceive our reality. Often what we learn or experience as truth growing up,

Schema Therapy specifically looks for Early Maladaptive Schemas (EMS), which are simply ways of thinking and believing that influence how we perceive our reality.

Jennifer Martin Rieck, LCPC

whether that truth be about ourselves, others, or the world, sticks with us long after we leave our childhoods, our parents, and our early environments. These schemas continue to color our thinking and our interpretation of events, giving us the experience of repeated and predictable outcomes. For example, someone who lost a parent early in life is likely to form an Abandonment schema and to subsequently feel that everyone is going to leave them in the end. This fear or anxiety about being abandoned results in individuals anxiously clinging onto others or even sabotaging relationships in order to avoid being hurt and left in the end. The more the individual acts out of their schema and the more they experience relationship loss, the more the schema is reinforced in the person’s mind. The goal in Schema Therapy is not to erase someone’s childhood or minimize the impact of those early experiences that formed the schema, but rather to help individuals fully understand the impact of their experiences and to help them not act of their schemas when they are triggered. In this way, the schema stops being reinforced and individuals can have new experiences that help challenge their schemas.

Social Isolation Schema Explained

The first five schemas identified on the schema assessment used in Schema Therapy have to do with what is known as the Disconnection/Rejection domain. Each of these five schemas encompasses different relationship beliefs that impact one’s attachment to others and are typically formed due to problematic experiences in relationships with caregivers early in life. The five schemas are Abandonment, Emotional Deprivation, Mistrust/Abuse, Defectiveness/Shame, and Social Isolation. A Social Isolation schema is often formed because someone has had experiences growing up that caused them to feel that they or their family were different from others around them. For example, someone who is homeschooled and grows up around other children who primarily go to public school is likely to experience feelings that they are different or separate than others. This could also happen if someone is a minority ethnically and is surrounded by predominantly different ethnic peers. The pervasive feelings of being different as a child can turn into a Social Isolation schema that causes this individual to continue feeling that they are different or do not fit in with others well into their adult life.

Although schemas nearly always make sense in the context of someone’s life experiences, they become problematic in adulthood, such as when the belief of being different influences how a person feels and how they subsequently engage with others. For instance, someone who has a high Social Isolation schema that attends a party may experience strong feelings of not fitting in, which might propel them to either avoid the party altogether or to become anxious or sad and avoid interacting normally with others at the party. Whichever occurs, the result is likely to be a reinforcing experience that leads them to further conclude that they don’t fit in. If Social Isolation is something that you identify with, it is importance to notice when the schema is triggered and to be mindful to not act on emotional reasoning as if it it truth. It is especially important not to act out of the schema, thereby reinforcing it.

I often tell my clients with Social Isolation schemas that as they are approaching a situation where their Social Isolation schema is triggered, it is important to do a couple of things. First, it is important to validate your inner-child, as this is the part of you that experienced the painful feelings of being different or left out so often growing up. Second, it is important for you to allow your adult-self to step in and be reassuring to your child-self. I think of this as being a coach in many ways. Perhaps your adult-self reminds your child-self that each person at the event has some things that are in common with others in the group and some things that are different from others. It is key to recognize that this is true for everybody in the group, not just you. If anxiety is what is being experienced, practice coping skills and positive self-talk. If sadness is bubbling up, practice reassurance and try to recall times when you have experienced meaningful connection in a group despite feeling triggered.

Healing Social Isolation Schema

If you recognize Social Isolation in yourself, take the following steps to help yourself heal:

1. Pay attention to your feelings and thoughts when entering a group setting or event.
2. Notice that the Social Isolation schema is being triggered.
3. Be self-validating to yourself, acknowledging the pain you experienced as a child. If your situation has changed since childhood, remind yourself that what caused the schema is no longer true.
4. Reassure your child-self that you understand the past pain of social isolation, but also reality-test your feelings and beliefs by remembering that every single person there will have some things that are in common with each other and some things that are different, including you!
5. Do not act out of the triggered schema but rather act in ways that are consistent with how you want to be as an adult.
6. Practice coping skills for anxiety, such as deep breathing or box breathing, using distraction techniques to get rid of unwanted thoughts, and push yourself to talk to others even if it is uncomfortable at first.
7. Practice positive self-talk by making affirming statements or highlighting things about yourself that you like or others have pointed out as positive.
8. Give yourself plenty of opportunities to experience connection with others and make every attempt to fit in and engage in a group like others. In doing so, you’ll give your child-self evidence that they too can fit in and your schema can begin to heal.
9. Work through your thoughts and feelings with a therapist if you feel stuck in your attempt to make changes on your own. Outside reassurance and support could be just the thing that you need to gain the confidence to make changes and have new experiences!